Wednesday, May 06, 2009
I didn't know it would get so hard.
Tonight I cozied up with Hallie in her bed and tickled her face until she fell asleep. I try really hard to keep this blog positive/fun...but today was neither of those things. Today I wondered what I am doing wrong as a Mom. Why am I failing at my only job? Why are both of my kids monsters? Hallie refused to eat her dinner...followed by a night of screaming that she wanted casserole, not hamburgers. Then she didn't want to take a bath, and wouldn't let me take off her clothes to put her in the bath....I finally put her in the bath fully clothed. She didn't want to put her pj's on...so I forced them onto her flailing body. She didn't want me to comb her hair...so I sat on the floor, wrapped my legs around her so her arms were pinned to her sides, and got through her tangled wet hair. She wanted me to read her a book before bed time like I always do...I felt like her behavior had been so bad all day I wasn't going to give her what she wanted. So she screamed, and screamed, and screamed. We're talking the kind of screaming where they almost throw up and are gasping for breath between shrieks. I put her back in her room in her bed about 10 times. Finally, I held the door shut and sat down on the floor. I sat there and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I prayed to be a more Christ like parent. What would he do in this situation? I have been fighting with my 3 year old ALL day. This is how our day was ending...both of us crying on either side of a shut door. I felt like she needed to know how much I love her (even if I didn't particularly LIKE her at the moment). So I got up, opened her door, didn't say a word to her, and laid with her. She didn't say anything to me either, she just cuddled up into me (with a bad case of the crying hiccups) and slowly drifted off into dreamland. I know this post is focusing on Hallie...but Chase was almost as bad today. I have a feeling that if I was a drinker, then that's what I'd be doing right now. :) I guess tomorrow is another day.
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18 comments:
that's when you scroll down and look at those other posts. the ones you want to remember when the day has been awful. *hugs* you are a great mom.
It sounds like she REALLY wants some control in her little world. I've BEEN THEEEERE! The thing that worked with Adele was giving her a choice...well atleast she THINKS its a choice. Like "Hailey do you want to wear THESE Pj's or THESE Pj's." "do you want THIS toy in the bath or THIS toy?" "Do you want Mom to give you the Bath or Dad to give you the bath?" Things that you can live with but give her a little wiggle room.
seriously, this post made my eyes tear up. I am so glad I am not alone in feeling this way sometimes. And lately, it feels like it is more times than not. Being a mom is so hard, but would you want to be anything else? Just love her and keep praying. I need to take my own advice!
Yeah. The tears are close here too. 3 1/2 is HARD. Everyone told me 2 would be cake compared to 3. Patrick and I have had several days just like that the last few weeks. The other night I had to sit on him to clip his toenails before the become ingrown, bodily pin him to the bathroom counter to brush his teeth, send him to bed completely hungry (he doesn't get his choc. milk and bedtime snack unless he eats his dinner and after I reheated 3 times and he refused, I gave up), and physically force his little person to Sit-Down-for-the-love-of-all-things-holy, in time out about a thousand and one times for hurting Kennedy. By the end of the day I felt like a child abuser and I'm sure he didn't feel so hot either. Interestingly enough, I ended up laying down with him to get him to sleep as well. We just both gave up. I gave up the rules of bedtime, he gave up his anger...and somehow by morning we both liked each other again.
My mantra these days, when I'm trying to figure out how to do this like Heavenly Father would is that whole idea of "reproving betimes with sharpness and showing thereafter an increase in love." In other words, the Wicked Witch of the West has to swoop in many times, but Glinda the good has to show up as soon as possible once the incident has passed.
Good luck--at least you know it's not just you.
I have felt that exact same way sometimes, I know you don't want them to feel like they're the boss and like they're getting away with things, but I think you did the right thing. Sometimes you both just need to show that even though you're upset you still love the person. I've had days like that with Johnny where I've ended up just holding him and rocking him in my arms while I cry. And after we calm down it seems like he's a lot more cooperative. It's so much harder being a mom than I thought it would be, but it's also a hundred times more rewarding, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I know how you feel, parenting needs a hand book ... how to handle ______________. ...... I think it sounds like Hallie is really wanting some control of her life (its hard to tell cuz I'm not there). I do agree with the comments above, try giving her options, go pick out your PJ's, do YOU want to brush your hair or do you want me to? Do you want a bath or a shower, at dinner give her an option as to what goes on her burger (Cheese, bacon, ...or give her the option of what to pick to drink .... give her options so maybe she can choose, that way she has some control of something. she is so smart that her independence is really strong. Sounds like she needs a routine with options in my opinion (might be worth a try any ways) Good luck, you are doing great!
Don't beat yourself up, threes are the hardest age of all, you get through this and you can make it through anything. You are a great mom Sarah, I've seen you in action, your kids are lucky to have you.
it does sound like she wants a little control in her life. alex is kinda the same way, he is soooo strong willed but i have been trying lately to give him more options and the tantrums have started happening less and less. Things will get better :)
It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with these days - even though I wouldn't wish them on anyone!
Sara,
You are such a great mom with beautiful, wonderful kids. I so appreciate your honesty and openness about things like this. It gives me a glimpse into what I have in store and a reminder of how hard it is to be a mom. I have really been hit lately with the things we have to do that are definitely out of love and the best interest of our kids, but they may not like/want it. You know that first hand. Thank you for being so honest with us. I love how you ended your day with Hallie. So sweet and what an act of love. I am sure today is a better day!
you are an AWSOME mom, dont beat yourself up over a couple of rough days here and there. after all this life is a test right? our children ar the hardest part of the test i think at times. we all have those rough days where we feel like bad moms, but i think you know deep down you are doing a great job. and i agree with the above comments about giving choices. my mother in law teaches the parenting class in her ward and has told me a couple key things to help me(im doing it ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW) so my patience really wheres thin sometimes... anyways if we give them choices they feel more in control, and that is ultimatley what they are trying to gain. i give kaia two choices and then also tell her if she doesnt make a choice she can sit in her room until she choses one... almost always then she will make a choice. and sometimes it is dumb things. but say you want them to get in the bath. i say kaia its time to take a bath. she says no. you say well you can take a bath with bubbles or you can take a shower? usually she wants to pick one, and if not she goes to her room. (which she really dislikes) it takes a few weeks with the whole thing, but it has made my life a little easier. i so FEEEL you. your not alone. but hopefully we will all make it through this alive!!!! sorry for the loooong comment.
If I learned anything watching "Terms of Endearment" it is that no matter how hard you think that raising kids is gonna be, when you are doing it, you wish it was as easy as you thought. Love you tons.
found your post through kelly's blog. so i'm not the only one? wow. I didn't know. thank you for being so honest. i wish us both luck.
I know you already have so many great comments about this and I've enjoyed reading them and learning from them. I have had many days like you and I find that I have a lot of learning to do. Some days I feel like all I'm doing is nagging and saying no and fighting, especially with Brook. But thank goodness there is always another day and that kids are so easy to forgive and forget. But like you, I never realized it would be so hard. On with the battle!
Oh, and prayer is an amazing tool. I've come to find out that so many times I go to the wrong sources to find help and advice....when I should be turning to the real expert.
My daughter was just like that when she was 3. It was such a struggle. A lot of days I didn't know how I would get through them. Guess what she is 25 now and we are so close and the best of friends. She is married now and a nurse and just gave me my first beautiful grandchild. Hang in there things get better with time!
I love that you are so real about this stuff. Ambyr has these exact days with my nephew. She said 3 has been really rough. What I am saying is you are not alone. She'll grow up and be a dream of a teenager I'm sure ;)
xo
thank you for sharing this. i've been feeling so alone like i'm the only one with 2 little monsters and feeling like i've created them! your post made me cry because today was THAT day. all. day. long. thankfully we have a father who loves us through our imperfections. hang in there. (i'm saying that to both of us!) ;)
right there with ya most days!
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