Lets dig right into it. We have withdrawn our kids from public school and started on a home school journey. Before I tell you how it's going let me tell you how I came to this decision.
This school year however things started to change. Hallie's school last year was kindergarten through second grade. This year, she moved to the school next door which is for third, fourth and fifth graders. From the first day of school there was a change in her. Previously she had breezed through school, always testing waaaay above grade level and loved by her teachers for her happy, positive attitude. All of a sudden she was overwhelmed and frustrated with math. She would come home and spend hours trying to do her homework with Matt or I helping. Matt would get frustrated because he didn't understand what was expected in the homework and ask me to take over. I would take over and be just as confused as Hallie. It was a nightmare. I wrote to her teacher (who I love and is an excellent teacher) and she said this was all new to her also, all the kids were struggling. Hallie would be up every morning at 7:30am, out the door by 8:00, home at 4:00, chores, dinner, piano, homework, shower, scripture study, prayers, teeth, bed by 7:30. Rinse and repeat. She was scheduled from the time she rose in the morning, until her head hit the pillow at night. Everyday I would get a phone call from the office that Hallie was in the nurses office with a headache. Days of tests she would be a nervous wreck, leaving the house in tears for fear of failing. My daughter had gone from a child who LOVED school.....to a child who was having panic attacks on a daily basis. She was a stressed out mess.
At the same time she was having panic attacks over Math she was coming home bewildered by her English. "It's kindergarten spelling words!" she told me kind of excited. When the first spelling test came home as a multiple choice test she pulled it out and declared "We don't even have to spell on our spelling tests!" This just all seemed so wrong to me. She went from never having a problem with math to a total disaster and from the gifted program in Germany for her outstanding reading/writing/spelling abilities to kindergarten multiple choice spelling tests in third grade. The answer was whispering every day in the back of my mind: HOME SCHOOL.
Matt was getting ready to leave us for a 6 month deployment. This meant he would be gone for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. The thought of not being with family for those holidays made me so so sad. But that 20 hour drive to California or Utah just wouldn't be worth it if I couldn't stay for quite a few weeks. I talked to both the kids schools about the possibility of missing the couple of weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas break and was met with less than helpful administrators who weren't the least bit compassionate about our situation. Again the whisper entered my mind: HOME SCHOOL.
I watched the Monday through Friday schedule of my kids and my heart hurt for what seemed to me to be a lack of opportunity to just be..... kids. Play outside, build forts, cozy with Mom on the couch and read a book, paint, play tag, sleep in, find frogs, etc. Again the quiet whispers.
Before I could take the leap though I had a few issues I needed to work through. Feelings of self deprecation. Feelings that I wasn't patient enough, smart enough, etc. When I finally sat down and went over my list of reasons why I thought I shouldn't home school I realized all but one of them came back to my feeling inferior. This is where a little prayer came into play. As I prayed over this decision in my mind I saw myself as my Father in Heaven sees me. I am smart. I can teach these children....probably better than any teacher could, because I love them in a way no teacher ever will. Their success in this life is my number one priority during the short 18 years they live in my home and I am able to have an influence over it.
I am capable of patience. This is an opportunity to continue to develop that talent and hopefully learn to love the time with my children. I am their Mother, and when it comes to their well being I knew I could and WOULD rise to the occasion. I remembered that I was trusted to raise these children and that if I chose to take their secular education into my own hands....I would have the support of a loving Father in Heaven who knows so much better than I do what I am capable of. Basically I felt peace about my decision and determination in a way I don't think I have ever felt it before.
The only negative that didn't have anything to do with ME was a fear of my kids becoming social outcasts. This is what I've always been told about home schooled kids. If they don't go to school....they don't function in society. I believed it. However over the past year I have been so surprised as friend after friend have told me, "I was home schooled" then I thought to myself, "hmmm, and you seem so normal....you must be one of the few normal ones." My kids are very socially confident and appropriate, I was afraid to mess with that.
This is where I have arrived with the whole "kids need to be socialized" thing. I think it's bull. Is it healthy to lock your kids up in the house where they have zero interaction with the outside world? Absolutely not. Is going to school where you learn the pecking order of "the biggest and loudest and prettiest and most popular rule the school....the rest follow or are tortured" the healthiest way to socialize a child? I think not. My kids will receive ample time to play with friends and take part in age appropriate activities. And so...I decided to let that one go. I do have a friend on "your kids are getting weird" watch though. If my kids start turning into weirdos, she is to notify me immediately. I know she will.
And the last little bit of peace I needed came in knowing this: IF THIS IS A DISASTER- THEY CAN GO BACK TO PUBLIC SCHOOL NEXT YEAR. I don't hate public school. I have loved my kids teachers....all of them! However I knew the time to try this was NOW. I had a bit of a "now or never" feeling about it.
So I picked Hallie and Chase up from school a few weeks ago and asked them if they would like to home school. We discussed the pros and cons of staying in public school, and homeschooling. I ultimately made it their choice because I didn't want to start off our education at home with a battle. They needed to want it as much as I did. I was shocked when they both very quickly decided they would like to give it a try this year. So with fear of judgement from friends, family, peers, and the schools we withdrew from school.
The past few weeks I have never felt so much support for a decision I have made. There have been a few comments here and there of a negative nature that hurt so badly....mainly because I've gone into this on such unsteady feet. When those words knock me down I've brushed myself off, told myself what other people think about this does NOT matter, and continued forward trying to stay positive.
So how is it going? Well....that's where the title of this post comes into play. I'll keep you posted! I will be totally honest with you about the good, the bad and the ugly.
The good: I have LOVED the positive 1 on 1 time with Hallie and Chase. I'm amazed by their bright minds and the things they already know. It has been so so exciting to begin gathering information and pouring knowledge into those little heads. Taking on the mantle of TEACHER has caused me to start looking at everything in our day to day lives as a teaching/learning experience in a way I never have before. I love it. I love the curriculum we are using (Read The Well Trained Mind to learn more about the approach we are taking). All electronics are off until 3:00. We spend our time reading together, learning together, exercising together, etc. After 3- the time is ALL theirs.
The bad: Remember that patience thing I was talking about? It HAS been an adjustment being together so so much. No longer having the "me" time I had everyday during Paige's nap. I know my limits though. When Matt leaves I'm going to schedule a weekly "me" day and get a sitter. I know I will need it. Hopefully we will adjust and that aspect of things will get easier.
The ugly: There isn't any yet, but I promise I will let you know if there is. Well....I never made it into the shower today. That was pretty ugly.
