We had a friend of ours (who happens to be German) at our house for dinner last night. He has a serious girlfriend that he has been dating for a while, and I eloquently asked, "So, are you going to marry Stephanie?" He looked kind of shocked at my blunt-ness, recovered quickly, and replied with a "yeah, it looks that way." Then came my quick follow up question, "Did you buy her a ring?" The conversation that followed up this question intrigued me. He explained to me that in Germany you buy eachother matching solid bands as wedding rings and it never leaves your finger from that point forward. The female gets no diamond. I sat there and contemplated this idea for little while. The first thing I want to see when any female I know gets engaged is her ring. I want to see if it's pretty and (lets be honest) if I like it better than mine ( I never do). Girls with a smaller diamond sometimes feel the need to justify with "we'll get a bigger diamond when we have more money" while girls with big fat diamonds beam with pride over their rock. A lot of couples start out their marriage thousands of dollars in debt to pay for that bling..... what a way to start out! It's all about the ring in America. We take off our sparkly accessory (some of us) to swim, clean, take a shower, work out, for any reason that might compromise the safety of our little treasure.
As I sat here last night listening to our German Man friend I felt inspired. THAT is what marriage is all about. Simple bands that you wear for your lifetime and never take off. It's taking a commitment from the get go of financial resposibility. It's recognizing the beauty and simplicity of the union of two people, while still symbolizing eternity. Not only that, but it's equal. You start out as equals. The same bands. Not one flashing around a big expensive rock while the other humbly wears his wedding band. Maybe this is where women pick up their sense of "my husband should do everything I want and I should do nothing for him", maybe that's reading a little too far into it. Regaurdless I had a lot to think about last night and was so grateful for our friend and his insight into marriage and the meaning behind giving the woman you love, a ring.
ps- I'm not going to go trade in my sparkly diamond for a band. I love it too much.
Monday, November 09, 2009
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11 comments:
That is really interesting. Thanks for sharing!
This is so true. I actually really do love the symbolism of all of it too. I am going to tell this to Brian, he will like it too. I am not going to trade in my ring either, but I think the Germans have a much better perspective then us Americans.
What a refreshing thing to hear. Especially because if my boyfriend and I ever get married, Im going to tell people he's German, even though we're just poor... Haha!
I have a friend that is from Russia and they do the same thing. It's a band and on the right hand for some reason. I too think this is pretty cool. =)
I love that idea. When Jarom and I got serious he asked me what kind of ring I wanted. I said, "I want a turquoise ring." He wouldn't do it because he thought people would think he's cheap. We didn't want to go into debt for a diamond, so I found a small one that I thought was pretty, but I honestly couldn't care less about its size.
Anyhow, it got pretty old watching people check out my ring and pretend that they weren't surprised about small diamond. It's like they were uncomfortable with it. (= When my prong broke and I couldn't wear my ring, I was more than happy to wear my little band with mini diamonds on it all by it's lonesome. I actually prefer it. I think the germans have it right. (=
mine and brian's bands cost $1.25 in tibet so can relate to not needing anything fancy, though i do love your ring, i would never trade mine in either!
Brazil is the same way. I have always thought America sets the bar on debt!
im going to hollow out peices of coconut shell and call it good.
You are one smart girl! And David is CHEAP!
nice...so why didn't I inspire those thoughts in you??
I loved reading the comments! finally some niceness about zee deutschen =)
Sarah his Maria brandon krallis wife.... In Bolivia we do the same so I was not expecting a diamond, when Brandon was so concerned about it I said don't give me anything, he could not believe that I said that n I couldn't believe that he was so crazy about the ring.... And it is so true a diamond doesn't show how much ur husband to be love you at all. I love my ring but I would of been just fine without one.
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