Thursday, September 01, 2011

Keeping up with the Jones.

  So this has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks.  I love blogging/facebook/social media.  It's fun!  It's so fun to stay in touch with friends and family and peek into their lives and see what they're up to, what they've been creating, new babies join their families, their kids head off to the first day of school.  I love it all.  Especially living so far from family and friends, facebook and blogging have been a huge blessing in helping us stay and feel connected. 
   That said, I've also felt uncomfortable many times as people comment to me that they're jealous of our life.  Or how their life seems "boring" next to ours.  I always think to myself....you have no idea what we go through to enjoy these "perks" of traveling, but we don't blog about the bad things.  Much.  We mostly just share the cute pictures, the beautiful pictures, the skinny pictures (although those don't really exist right now), the ones that shed the most flattering light on our family.  I think that's human nature.  I throw in a few funny stories and thoughts to keep it interesting, but when it comes down to it, no one wants to read a whiney/complainey blog.
  What people forget is that we are a military family.  So yes, we get to go see some neat places.  The trade off for that?  I have no husband half of the time. Being a single Mom is HARD.  Really hard.  When it's time for me to have a baby (in a foreign land, I might add) I have no family to drop my kids off to.  I have no Mom to come and help for a week while I recover.  We can't have our families oooh and awe over our beautiful new baby.  That's really hard for me. 
   If it came down to it and I had to pick between living in one place for the rest of our lives and having a husband home every night at 5 and on the weekends and being close to family (at least close enough to go and visit without 24 hours of traveling) or our current situation.....I think I'd pick the regular life.  I think a life of having Daddy gone half the time is hard on kids and it's certainly hard on me, but we make the best of what we have and are grateful for the blessings of a good job, and stability.
  The point I'm getting at is....it's so easy to look at other people's blogs and think "they are so much more creative than me" but what we don't see is the rest of the house is destroyed by the kids who are dying for Mom's attention while she's creating.  Or to think "their kids are so smart!" but we're not seeing how that child is struggling with interacting socially.  Or see a lovely home that they have bought, but we're not seeing their mortage payment and finances in a mess.  People will blog what sheds their family and their lives in the most flattering light...and that's impossible to keep up with.  When I'm looking at someones blog and I find myself feeling inadequate, I just remind myself, THIS IS NOT REAL.  It's not.  I continue to remind myself that as long as I'm doing what's best for my family and trying my best be happy, despite whatever may be thrown at us, I'm in a good place. 
  The moral of the story is...trying to keep up with Jones' blogging life is even harder than trying to keep up with your neighbors.  At least with the neighbors you will occassionally hear the Mom screaming at her children.  Or see the weeds growing in their garden.  Or see their kids being much less than perfect.  You won't find that on blogs...which makes the goal of keeping up even more impossible. 

11 comments:

Unknown said...

Excellent post to bring us all back to reality. I have been feeling this way a lot lately.

Kayli said...

Yep. My sister says blogging is "a beautiful fiction." :)

I also get tons of people saying they are jealous that we get to live in Switzerland, but (as I just wrote about on my blog) I really miss being close to family, or having friends that I can hang out with during the day(since I don't speak German). Definitely trade-offs.

And I think that it's good to try to keep it at least a little bit real on blogs, but at the same time, we all realize dishes have to be done, kids are whiny sometimes, and there are hard times, so we don't actually need to write about it in depth all the time. We can assume it's there, and focus on the good. (I think I'm just saying over again what you already said in your post... oops)

p.s. I can't wait to see your baby!

Shandra said...

Loved this! Very very true. Thank you!

Carly said...

Amen.

But really and truly, I like the beautiful fiction of blog-land. I like that it helps us see the good in our lives, celebrate the everyday and small, and focus on the positive.

And honestly it never occurred to me to be jealous of what you have. I assumed all those things about missing family and having a normal life... so I'm always just so glad for all the perks that sort of make up for it. I love experiencing Europe through your eyes!

julieb said...

totally agree. miss you

AmyJane said...

I blogged about this about a month ago. Don't know if you read it (do you have access again?) but yeah, it's a real thing. Blog envy. I've actually had to have the discipline to ditch certain blogs that did nothing for me but make me feel crappy about my own life. My criteria is actually that while the blogger may normally shed the most positive spin on things, I need a glimpse of real here and there, a blogger who admits that things are less than perfect at least every now and again. But not always, cause I can't handle an ongoing pity party. It's a tricky line you have to walk if you want to stay on my blog-roll! ;)

Tasha said...

Amen...and honestly I feel just like Carly. I could just say ditto to her comment. (I love being her sister :)) I just find when I read blogs...which I read plenty of...that everyone has "Normal" things in life. No one. No. One. has a perfect life. It is impossible. Maybe because I blog and I know first hand my life is not perfect...and yet, I try not to complain (too much) when I blog. Honestly, who wants to read a bunch of blogs of all the negative things in life. That wouldn't be very inspiring either (haha). I love seeing the fabulous things you get to experience. (love love love) I know I never will (and I am okay with that) but I love (LOVE) getting to see the beauties of this world through you and your family. Love you Sara. Thanks for always keeping things real. You are honestly one of my favorite people...always have been.

Megan McCrindle said...

I recently read a similar article about Facebooking. It's tough to continually read comments like, "I have the perfect husband!" and see photoshopped pictures of people that Im comparing my imperfect face to. It really serves as a reminder that, while blogging is fun, we need to check back into reality every once in a while. I for one am trying to steer clear of Facebook and my blog for a bit. Life lived is more exciting than life recited.

Megan McCrindle said...

...Although you really do have the perfect husband. I can say that cuz I've met him and he's awesome. Well done.

Charlee said...

Loved this post, and love your new baby girl pictures! Congrats on having her out! So great! I seriously love your blogs, because you are not a bragger, you tell it like it is. Thanks for being a normal blogger! Seriously, it is SO refreshing!
We miss you guys bad and really wish we could be over there to help you out and snuggle sweet baby Paige! Congrats again!

Diana said...

Excellent post. Excellent, true, raw, real, beautiful and simple Sara. ;-)