Refiners Fire?

When I wrote a post about what transpired on Monday it was mainly because I didn't want to have to tell people face to face.  Or on the phone.  So many people knew we were expecting another baby, people ask about how I'm doing, how I'm feeling, when I'm due...all the time.  I didn't want to have to look into every single face and tell them we had lost the baby.  See them feel akward and uncomfortable and sad, and them to see me start to tear up for the ten millioneth time.  So if I wrote it, it was out there and I didn't have to deal with it. 
   What I didn't expect was the OUTPOURING of love.  We are so blessed.  We have been blessed with good friends everywhere we go.  We have been blessed with wonderful, loving families.  I didn't expect that every single comment would make me feel a little bit better, would fill up the empty space in my heart right now.  I'm grateful for those kind comments and prayers.  I'm grateful for the meals friends have brought.  The delicious cookies (you can bet I ate an entire dozen of c.c. cookies on my own).  The yummy breads.  The offers of help with the kids.  The WONDERFUL husband who has spent the last two days by my side, comforting me when the tears start to fall again, and doing a better a job at the keeping this house clean then I ever seem  capable of. 
  Everything yesterday went good (if you can consider what had to be done "good").  I was in the hospital from 9 am to 7 pm and spent most of the afternoon playing scrabble with Matt.  Someday I'll beat him.  Although he does cheat.  I came home to sweet babies who had missed me all day (well, Hallie didn't REALLY miss me since she got the spend the day with her best best friend.  I'll just pretend she did).  I came home to yummy soup and corn bread from my neighbor.  Had friends stop by to hug me, bring me delicious treats that will only make my waistline bigger (I'm cool with that for a few days) and a cozy couch to snuggle into and cry. 
   I've never experienced real "loss".  I've only had great grandparents die who were at an age where I was happy to see them move on to a better place.  I've had a pretty easy life.  I do believe we are given trials in life so we can learn from them, grow closer to our Lord, and hopefully come out of it a better person than before.  I think of things that others have gone through that make this trial look so so small, but for me it's the biggest so far.  I know our Father in Heaven doesn't make mistakes (thanks Nicole) and I'm determined to learn the lesson from this experience that he has in store for me.  I want to come out of this a better person.  One who understands other's pain a little bit better.  A person who has a greater understanding of my place in this world.  A better Mom and a better wife.  And in the future...there will be more babies and I'll love them in a different way than I ever have, because I know what it's like to lose one of them. 
  So thanks again for all the love and support....it meant more than you know.  :)