So I've been doing a lot of thinking about different parenting styles lately. There is such a wide range of how people handle their own little people that I feel like I'm constantly learning from friends and family around me. I know people who are hard core, super regimented, really into education education education. I know people who it seems like had kids and nothing in their life really changed, they were able to just keep moving forward with their lives....their kids running like cute little wild people along behind them. So here's what I've been thinking about, what way is the RIGHT way. I don't mean to sound selfish, but, I could go all out (and I really admire the people who can do this) and cloth diaper my kids, puree my own baby food, always have a spotlessly clean house, laundry always folded with perfectly crisp lines and right where it belongs before it has a chance to cool down from the dryer, gormet dinners every night, but would that really be the best thing for me? And if I am not happy, will kids still be able to be happy? Is it possible to do all those thing AND let your kids have a childhood? Is it better to sit down with a book and read it over and over and over telling them "green" "triangle" "A". Or is it better to have them outside looking at the green trees and pointing out the shapes around them. Or does it really even matter at all? If I'm constantly forcing shapes, letters, and colors down their throats....will that really make them any smarter in the long run? I really don't know. Is it bad that I let Hallie watch the disney channel for like 2 hours a day? Does that make me a bad parent? Being a parent is what I have now commited my life to, and I really do want to do it right. But what is right? Hallie is SUPER smart, but I really don't think I can take any credit for that. Am I doing enough to challenge her? Help her learn more? I am I doing enough to make sure she's having fun? Learning to be socially acceptable? Should I even care about these things when she's only two and half? When should I start caring? I feel like I just kind of go from day to day, unschedueled...but enjoying life. My kids come first as far as needs go and I try to keep them entertained. I don't know.....this is a random stream of conscieness post. Just thinking out loud.
16 comments:
Hey! I tried to call you back finally. I'll try you again later. I love this post. Such a mommy thought process...and I actually have an opinion! At Hallie's age, I think experiences (the kinds where they are exploring the world and discovering life around them)bring the best kind of understanding. Talk about what your experiencing together with her and help her process it and reflect on it. Social competence, knowing how to play well with others, and conflect resolution is invaluable! If you don't know how to have relationships with others what kind of quality of life will you have? I think the most important thing though is letting them know how much you love them! You are a GREAT mom! You'll continue to provide your darlings with exactly what they need in life. And yes...They'll have a great life too!
luvs- kambree
Sara, I really recommend the book Christlike Parenting. I have read over a dozen different parenting books and this really puts it all into perspective.
Now just because some of us cloth diaper (eh hem) doesn't mean our houses are always clean and our laundry folded. I think parenting is a talent that needs to be developed and some of us are better at it than others right from the start. Others (like me) need a lot of refining and practice to get better.
There are always things we could be doing better as parents but we need to focus on what works best for our family to make sure everyone is thriving and happy.
Different things work for different kids and families, once you find what works best for you, that is fine. There is no RIGHT way, there is what works best for your kids and your family.
I also want to add, I've seen you with your kids and I think you are great mother.
I so want to participate in what I think will be a great discussion... alas I have no first hand experience to give. What I do think is important, however is that you obviously care and are consciencious and wanting to do your best. Everything that's hard takes practice. Hopefully Tasha posts--because she's a pretty great mom and will probably give some great advice and opinions!
Good Luck!
Erin- I love that you cloth diaper your kids! It's just too much work for ME. I think. It isn't just doing one of those great mom things on the list....it's the people who are able to do ALL of them. I have to tell you though.. I have learned a lot watching you with your boys and how loving and patient you are in your dealing with them. I'm still working on the patience thing........
Sara, you are a great mom, what are you so worried about. Haha ... ok from a "medical" stand point and since I have had to read study after study about how kids learn at young ages, studies have shown that kids learn the best from "play time." Play is the best way for kids to learn, whether it be outside, inside etc and with a parent it is even better. Its not all about the educational toys, studies show that those don't really benefit kids and they are usually a lot more expensive. Although I think you do have the occasional kid that they benefit, most kids learn better and faster from just play. Their little minds aren't wired yet for the hard core learning. I have to agree, just loving your kids and talking with them and PLAYING with is the best thing you can do. A least that is my opinion..... and I am forced to read a lot of studies so that is what the medical world says .... :) I love you and I really think you are a great mom. I think you should just keep up the good work and don't worry too much, just play with your kids and love them while they are young. The "school work" comes later :)
I think you bring up a great question. Parenting is hard. A lot harder than I ever imagined. I never really see a black and white when looking for an answer - its a world of grey! The best thing that I have come up with is "moderation"... getting that idea from the Word of Wisdom. Too much of anything can't be good. There's a great big world out there to learn, take little pieces each day. I think if you give your kids variety, they'll have so many things to draw their attention. One week it may be the alphabet, and then it may be on to exloring bugs. Ideas stay fresh, and you can use their new interest to reinforce the lessons you want to teach (colors, shapes, whatever). Good luck! and if you figure it out, let me know! :)
Oh, and about the Disney Channel... we do the same thing too. An hour of quiet time while we wake up in the morning, and another hour in the afternoon. I think there are good lessons in the shows and I try to be involved and ask her questions about what she's watching or encouraging her to participate, but sometimes it's a great opportunity to catch up on the laundry or clean the kitchen too!
i have all these same questions, so when you figure it out let me know!
Considering parenting has been very hard for me as of late I think I could more read from everyone else and hope for some patiance along with it. But, I can say that I LOVE being a mother. Love it. But, it is much much harder than I thought it would be. I have a lot of these same questions. Infact, I was just having a conversation with a good friend of mine this morning dealing with this exactly. (Just after our boys got in a good fight. :) ) I totally agree that loving and play time is the best. But, we have to dicisple right? There are always going to be fights and problems. So, what is the best way? And I also agree there have to be lots of ways because every child is different . . .but what is the right way for me??? Well, I am still trying to figure that all out. (And I really wish I could figure it out!!) I actually thought I was doing so good when it was just Tanner. I was calm. I talked through things. I even had a large amount of patience. But, somewhere between pregnancy 2&3 (one was a miscarriage) and giving birth to Brayden a lot of patiance disappeared and I am still in search of where they went to. But, I do have to say I think you are a fabulous mother. Fabulous. Everytime I read your blog and the few times I Have seen you with Hallie I have come away thinking what a wonderful Mom you are . . . because you are "real". Not perfect, but a good good Mom. And that is what a Mom is. There are good days and bad days. And the mear fact that you are raising these questions proves what kind of Mom you are . .. oood. But, I can definatly say I don't have enough answers. I just keep trying to pull from other around me too.
Well, I could ramble on and on. And, now you have me thinking a good amount. But, I am sure you will get tired of me. So, keep hanging in there. And if you find a really good book you do love, or some really good advise please let me know! I could definatly use it.
the only thing my friend remembers from before school is watching disney channel and pbs all day long.... and shes the top student in all of her honors classes... haha... that really all i can comment on
the moment captured in this photo shows that you are doing everything just right. now stop wasting time wondering and go to the beach!! :)
This is a list of great thoughts and wisdom from some very obviously awesome mothers there.
As a father let me give another perspective. You are all correct. The little darlings don't come with an owners manual so you get to figure it out. It will be different with each child and for every parent. I think you are on top of it with love them, play with them, do things WITH THEM, and give them the chance to experience stuff anywhere you are. It will be good sometimes and bad others. You learn from both.
You will find out who you are as a parent. You don't want to be anyone else. It is great to learn from and admire those around you but ultimately you must be yourself. Spotless house, messy house; cloth diapers or disposable...do what you are comfortable with and what works for your family. You will be different from friends, family, parents and siblings but that is OK, do what works for you and be happy. Remember that we are here in this life to learn, gain experience and TO HAVE JOY.
Love those kids and enjoy every minute with them you can. They grow up too fast. Trust me on this one.
p.s. Stacy is wrong about one thing. Show no moderation in consumption of chocolate. That is just wrong.
I personally think that the key is what you are doing here---every so often looking at the big picture and checking yourself as a parent. I think it's possible to be too hyperscheduled and possible to be too laid back. I think it's important to be parenting with some degree of purpose but at the same time letting that purpose unfold naturally without having to force it. Especially in these pre-school years, much more is "caught than taught" and I think the parents general enthusiasm for life and learning and the gospel and whatever else you desire your children to value is catching. Right now they want to be like you, so what they see you do and be and value is what they will emulate. I do think that mature parenting takes some degree of discipline; you can't just act like a self centered teenager and hope they turn out ok, but it also requires some spontenaity and fun in order to be worth it for both of you.
One of my self checks as a parent is to look at each day and ask myself if I made it worth the sacrifice that it takes to be a SAHM. If I'm not offering my kid(s) anything more than they would get in a daycare setting, then why are we making the financial sacrifice for me to stay home? And by offering them "more" I mean more love, more learning, more opportunities, more small learning moments, etc. Of course there are days (like today's deathly ill day...) where he watches too much TV and gets too little of my time and energy, but if MOST days I am engaged as a parent and not self consumed it's worth it for me to be here with him.
sara i lovr you and you are such a good mom. i persona;;y just go with the flow. i don't find parenting to be hard (so far). i let navy do what she wants when she wants. she brings me a book when she wants to read a be cozy. she tells me when she's hungery, she get up and plays around the house when she wants and she even goes and stands by the door when she wants to go for a walk or play outside, and quite a bit of time we watch elmo. basically i just trust her and let her tell me what she needs. we are both soooo lucky that we can be home and not have to work and we can devote ourselves to our kids and their needs. i'm so lucky to have you as a friend and an example of laid back parenting!
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